What do you think of this one?

[Christopher John]

Sales letter to Lawyers office. This is what I have so far.


Would you like a powerfully compelling direct response letter. A letter that would dramatically increases your response rate. Generating leads that can increase your client base. How about saving money by having the ability to track the results so you don’t waist money on advertising that’s not producing results?

Response to direct mail can be increased by up to 400% by simply changing the headline. You can Increase your client base by using Proven techniques to create attention, interest, and desire. These methods are designed to produce amazing results. Adding a clear call to action, your target prospect will not even think twice about picking up the phone and calling for there free consultation. This translates into profit.

Many firms send out direct mail letters targeting lists of clients who have recently been in trouble with the law. 90% of them fail to see the response they hope for. WHY? Because they think a letter written by there secretary with the firms name on it offering a free consultation is going to get a response… HUH? Not nearly compeling enough-Not even by a long shot.

I am a freelance copywriter who would like to show you a piece of my latest work. A client of mine (mortgage company) has reaped the benefits of using my services recently. They had a great eye for value. Take look at this ad spec that will soon be running as a full page advertisement. This will be attached to the email for your viewing pleasure. I have also designed a flyer for them and when tested there was a 8% response rate. That means for every hundred put out, there was eight people who responded.

I would like to do the same for you.

Please contact me if you are interested in taking advantage of my services. My schedule is open and I am excepting new clients.


What do you guys think????????????????????????????????????????

I am having a full page run very,very soon. I have the spec already. Sign In if you would like to view it... I'll sen-dit...to-ya.


Later alligater

[JL Melvin]

Good start...

I would change your lead in sentence to the first paragraph. You are talking about a powerful direct response letter - here's what the lawyer reads: blah, blah, blah -

Translate your sentence into something that grabs them - a benefit of using your services:

Increase your client base and save $$ too! Proven advertising techniques work to bring in more clients, while reducing your advertising costs.

Then continue on with the benefits they will receive by using you. How can you help them get more clients, reduce costs, & track results?

Check your spelling too as you have some errors.

Good luck & keep pressing on!
Jeff