Investment Seminar copy for your greedy consumption

[ResponsePartner]

Ladies and Gents,

This is your first time seeing my name as Response Partner. In view of Clayton's recent piece about branding ourselves differently to 'copywriters' - I've taken a new title.

Now here's what's up:

My draft piece for my main client is getting to 'MasterMind Bone Picking' stage.

And I certainly consider you guys to be in my MasterMind.

My client is an investment information provider now running seminars as a lead generation for a JV product used by traders.

Visitors will come from the clients main site or from print ads in magazines and papers promoting free tickets to live investment seminars.

So with that frame of mind... have at it.

Where's it weak like a baby? Or attractive as a lady in red?

I've hosted it on a private page on my new blog site.

Draft Copy - Investment Seminars

Enjoy. And thanks.

Gavriel Shaw
Response Partner

PS. The formatting is terrible cos I pasted from Word. The designer will work his magic once the copy is finalised.

[Robert]

RP,

Your headline came off a little vanilla to me - not a strong hook or promise.

You lead with Free Seminar - but free isn't desirable till you build some value for it.

Also, consider the state of the market - for example...

This week my broker just made a late sale and cost me like $9000 bucks. Poof! Gone for good. I'm not happy...

...I'm looking at the volatility and wondering if I should buy gold or put my money in cash or try ETF's...

...Just yesterday we saw the single biggest stock market leap in recent history. And it was caused by one of the greatest interest rate drops in history...and was followed up with the news that Lehman just dipped into the Feds new print-cash cookie jar...and Goldman-Sach's is reaching for it...

...I get the idea the Bernake and Co. are are crazed men at the wheel of a car spinning out of control on black ice. Every move they make to straighten the economy out just causes it to spin more wildly out of control...

Given that you may want to have your headline tap a little more into that sentiment/emotion.

Maybe kick it up a notch like...

Before:

Free Investment Seminars
Reveal The Latest Methods
Used By Stock Market Traders

After:

Discover stock market insiders secrets
for surviving (and profiting) in a chaotic stock market
at this free seminar...

(Plus: You will gain access to a breakthrough trading tool that puts YOU in control...and in the cash!)

But you must act by no later than 5pm, Friday if you want to protect your current wealth and gain free access to these profit making systems.

Anyway - that's rough and I'm not a financial writer - but you get the idea. Put more energy and emotion and promise in there - pull up the free trading software offer into the deck, think in terms of what these tools and knowledge mean to an investor like me who's peeved - and confused.

Hope that helps.

Robert

P.S. If you can add in specific Gains that folks have made using this system or testimonials or a track record up front in the pre-head or in the deck bullets - this would be even stronger.

P.P.S. I STRONGLY recommend you purchase Clayton's "Steal these Secrets 2" NOW. The swipe file of headline and deck copy from winning financial controls would give you the inspiration you need to rocket the response.