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[Christopher John]

How I took over 6 strokes off of my game while saving hundreds of dollars!
I can hardly believe it myself...

all golf clubs are not created equal. Why am I paying hundreds of dollars or more for just one club? I feel like I am being robbed. I am paying for a name rather than a golf club.

(pitch product.)

or- Did you ever feel that you wasted hundreds of dollars on a golf club that never helped your game?
I can tell you why you pay way to much and why it's not improving your game...

(pitch; you are paying for a name. That is the secret they don't tell you. We have titanium drivers that will have you driving farther without driving you crazy about what your spending. What good is a driver if you can't afford green fees after blowing hundreds on just one club? We have high quality golf clubs that will increase peformance and allow you to indulge....ect.ect.ect.....I spent some of the money on a golf pro and still saved big!!!! That is how my game improved dramaticlly almost overnight! By not getting duped into paying for a name while the next guy.ect.ect.....

What do you think???????

Thanks,

Chris

[CBurton1]

Hi Chris,

Both of these headlines are good starts... but they need to be tightened up a little bit... pithier. How about:

"How I Took 6 Strokes Off My Game And Saved Hundreds of Dollars, Too!

-OR-

"Have You Ever Wasted Hundreds of Dollars On A Golf Club That Didn't Help Your Game?"

What about:

"Why Blow Hundreds Of Dollars On The Most-Expensive Clubs Going When You Can Spank The Other Guys In Your Foursome With These __________. Here's How"

-OR-

"WARNING: Don't Spend Another Nickel On Fancy, High-Priced Golf Clubs Until You read This Important Message:


The very best copywriter in this market is John Carlton. He's the guy that wrote the famous "one-legged golfer" ad, and many others. Get and read everything he's written for golf products. You can see his ads in Golfer's Digest, Golf Magazine, etc.

Hope this helps.


-Kevin

[Christopher John]

Kevin,

Thank you for your reply. It was suggested that I read the back archives that the legendary but at the moment quite pissed off Clayton Makepeace wrote.

I read it and wanted to try and apply what I was reading.

I am brand spanking new to this field and I am in it up to my neck I feel at times.

I have the natural ability to sell and have been making a few dollars on a small scale. The point is that I applied what I learned and it worked wonders...

I will be posting a thread of a sales letter I am writing to a mortgage company that my friend owns.

Please take a look at this rough copy and tell me what you think?

I already have the go to send some sample copy and I am trying to follow Claytons model that I have been reading.

I never wrote a formal piece of copy......I am winging it. And it's working!!

What do I do???? I want to make his company money! I know I can!

I am a rainmaker....I know this....I am just in training!!!!!

Thanks,

Chris