Looking For Critiques

[CBurton1]

Hi Everybody,

My name is Kevin and I am an AWAI student. My day job is as a radio advertising salesperson. I've written 2 sales letters to get new clients. I would love to get some feedback from boardmembers which version you think is better, or if they both need improvement. However, I can't get all the copy into this message, and I can't attach the file either.

Would it be possible for those who are interested in helping to e-mail me so I can e-mail them the files? my e-mail address is kflohe@nsbroadcasting.com. Thank you!

-Kevin F.

[CBurton1]

I'm still looking for critique help. Anybody who's willing, please e-mail me at kflohe@nsbroadcasting.com and I will send you the pieces. I would REALLY appreciate it. Thanks!

-Kevin

[CBurton1]

OK, I'm just going to post it in here as best I can... Here goes:


From The Desk Of:
Kevin Flohe
1009 W. Ridge St.
Marquette, MI 49855

A Confidential Letter to Marquette Area Small-Businesses:

“Do You Make Any of These
Costly Advertising Mistakes?”

Many Local Businesses Have Attracted A Flood Of New Business, (And Taken The “Gamble”
Out Of All Their Advertising Dollars) Using These Enormously Profitable,
Yet Little-Known Methods I Have Tested And Can Prove Work.

Monday, 2:59 PM

Dear Friend,

Are you sick and tired of spending hundreds and thousands of dollars of your hard-earned money on advertising that never seems to work? If so, please read on.

P.T. Barnum once said: “I know that half of my advertising is wasted… The problem is that I don’t know which half it is!” And if you really thought about it, I bet you could say the same thing about your business, couldn’t you?

“How Much Money Are You Leaving On The Table?”

You see, I’ve discovered that most businesses (maybe even yours) have one or more SERIOUS flaws in their advertising and marketing effort that is costing them thousands of dollars a year! I help local businesses identify and solve these problems and measurably improve the profitability of their advertising.

Problems like:

 Failing To Break Through The “Clutter” Of Daily Advertising Messages
 Depending On “Name, Rank, Serial Number” Style Advertising
 Entertaining Instead Of Selling: Relying On Slogans And Jingles Instead Of Benefit-Oriented Sales Copy
 Using Vague Generalities Instead Of Meaningful Specifics
 Forgetting To Use Testimonials & Other Forms Of Proof
 Neglecting To Test Your Marketing Messages To Find Out What Works Best

Now, in just a few minutes, I can show you how to take the “gamble” out of all your advertising, eliminate the mistakes that are costing you thousands of dollars a year, and make every dollar you spend promoting your business trackable, measurable, accountable—and come back to you quickly in multiples!

You’ll discover:

 What You Should Say To Your Marketplace That Is Compelling, Magnetic And Draws Customers To You Like A Light On A Dark Night Draws Moths!
 6 Simple Ways To Improve The Effectiveness Of Any Ad You Are Currently Running!
 What Almost Every Advertiser Does Wrong, And How To Avoid It!
 The Dirty Little Secret About Advertising That Most Ad Agencies & Media Sales Reps Don’t Want You To Know About!
 How To Immediately Boost Sales For Any Low-Selling Item!
 Plus… I’ll Show You How To Track And Measure Every Ad You Ever Run, So You Know To The Penny Which Media And Which Sales Strategies Work Best For You!

“Who Am I And Why Am I Writing You This Letter?”

My name is Kevin and I am an Account Manager at Northern Star Broadcasting in Marquette. Our stations include 94.1 The Bear, 92.3 Big Country, Oldies 99.5, and 1320 WDMJ/1240 WIAN.

A few of you are saying, “I tried radio advertising--doesn’t work in my business… in my industry… with my customers… in my area… its too expensive… It’s too complicated… etc.” (I can hear you out there--you don’t have to hide.)

Here’s a few things about all that:

1. If you and I went through life only doing the things that worked real, real well for us the very first time we did them…less kids with each generation.

2. If you stop and think about it, you can make a long list of media--things that you can spend money on to deliver marketing messages:

 You can go on TV or radio.
 You can advertise in the Yellow Pages
 You can advertise in the newspaper
 You can advertise in magazines, or in trade or industrial journals
 You can set up a web-site
 You can send out voice broadcasts
 You can do direct mail
 You can exhibit at home and consumer shows or trade shows
 You can put telemarketers on the phone

…the list goes on and on and on, doesn’t it?

Now, all that stuff works--and it all can be made to work better with the methods I am going to teach you, but radio can be and often is one of the biggest bangs for your buck if you learn to do it right. Let me show you.

A recent study done by the RAEL (Radio Ad Effectiveness Lab) proves:

 Swapping out one of two TV ads for two radio ads increased unaided brand recall by 34%.
 Replacing one of two newspaper exposures with two radio ads almost tripled unaided brand recall.
 When two radio ads replaced one of two TV exposures, more people chose the advertised brand as their first-choice product. The newspaper swap-out was even more striking.
 Consumers that heard two radio ads (and only one TV ad) could restate campaign’s main message just as well as those exposed to two TV ads. Trading a newspaper ad for two radio exposures gave much better message playback than seeing two newspaper ads.
 On an ROI basis, radio is more than a supplement. A combined television/radio or newspaper/radio buy is demonstrably more powerful than one using TV or newspaper alone.
 While radio can often be a potent alternative to other media, the current study provides more reasons to consider using radio as part of the media mix (as long as radio’s presence in the mix is heavy enough).

(Continued...)

[CBurton1]

(...Continued From Last Post)


With radio, you could be giving a perfect sales presentation for your business, to thousands of qualified prospects, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week--even while you sleep!

“Here’s A Very Simple Secret You Can Use Right Away
To Make Any Advertisement Pay Off BIG!

Remember in the movie, “The Godfather”, when Don Corleone had a problem to solve for his singer friend, Johnny, and he used that now famous line--“I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse!”? You remember… The Dead Horse Head In The Bed Offer!? And he was completely covered in… Umm… Well, you get the point, right?

Anyway, what I’m trying to tell you is that if you want IMPACT, if you want response, you have to reach out and grab the attention of your prospect and make it impossible for him to ignore you!

Well, if I was Don Corleone, and I wanted to make YOU an offer you couldn’t refuse, it would probably go something like this:

“Tell Me Your Biggest Marketing Problem, And I Will Help You Solve It, For FREE—Guaranteed!”

But I’m not a mafia boss… I’m a marketer. Yet, my offer to help solve your biggest marketing problem is real!

Now I sell radio advertising. But I know from experience that I really cannot “sell” a smart businessperson anything. You have to judge for yourself whether what I have to show you will work for you or not, don’t you? Well here’s what I’ve done: I’ve developed a powerful new service as a way to introduce myself to you.

I call it my “FREE Sales & Marketing Problem Prevention Assessment”.

This new tool helps me uncover your business’ USP or Unique Selling Proposition, (the thing that differentiates you from all competition direct and indirect, and makes you the dominant presence in your category of business in as short a period of time as possible).

I’ll show you exactly what to say to your marketplace that is compelling, magnetic, and draws customers to you like a light on a dark night draws moths…

I’ll show you how to compete against fierce competition and win, and how to find the most ready, willing and eager customers perfectly matched to you and your business and how to reach them…

Plus, I use a special computer program that tells me exactly how many good customers or clients you need to come into your business every single day for as long as you use the system to get the maximum benefit from every dollar you spend on your advertising.

What could be better than that?! It’s 100% free, and there’s no obligation to buy anything.

***Even if you decide never to use radio in your business, the ideas and information we uncover in this session can be applied to almost any kind of advertising you use and WILL make all those other things you do work even better.***

So, even if you and I never do business, you will have gained immeasurably from us having made acquaintances, won’t you?

“So What’s The Catch?”

Why would I do such a thing? It’s simple.

I know that if I become a resource for you, if I can help you make more money for your business, you will probably appreciate it and be thankful for it and may even want to do business with me on a long-term, permanent basis, won’t you? That way we both win.

Need more proof? Here is a comment one of my clients recently made about me:

“I want to thank you for all your help and input on putting my ads and schedule together. I started out working with 3 different radio groups but ended up working with you because of your efforts to try to put together the right ads and schedule to accomplish my goals. Many times when working with advertising sales people you can tell very quickly they are "going through the motions". I never felt that way with you and we had very good conversation to determine how best to "deliver the message". It is a pleasure to work with you and I am sure anyone looking to get the most "bang for their radio advertising buck" will experience the same thing I did.” --Ron Whitton, Jr., Dentsmart PDR

“My Personal Guarantee To You!”

I am so convinced that you will get so many profitable, practical, and simple ideas you can immediately use in your business, just from a few minutes of talking with me, you will not be able to believe it…

In fact, If I cannot show you at least 3 ways that you can make an extra $10,000.00 in your business quickly and easily in our time together, you can personally usher me to the door and I will head off into the sunset… never to be seen or heard from again!

“Only 15 FREE Sales & Marketing Problem Prevention Assessments Are Available,
And These Are Scheduled On A First-Come, First-Served Basis. Please Call
Within The Next 14 Days To Schedule Yours Before I’m Booked Solid!”

I only have time set aside to do 15 of these Assessments, and these are scheduled on a first-come, first-served basis, so please call within the next 14 days to schedule yours, before I am booked solid. Don’t miss out on a great opportunity to get a BIG boost in your sales and profits in 2008!

To schedule your “FREE Sales & Marketing Problem Prevention Assessment”, just call (906) 360-1183, or send me an e-mail at kflohe@nsbroadcasting.com. I’m very busy, so if you get my voicemail, please leave a message and I will call you back within 30 minutes.

Sincerely,

Kevin Flohe
Northern Star Broadcasting

P.S. Don’t forget to ask me about our risk-free program that lets you advertise FOR FREE on any of our four top-rated stations!

P.P.S. Still not convinced? Call my 24 Hour Free Recorded Message and get this FREE Report: “RECESSION-PROOF YOUR BUSINESS: Breakthrough Money-Making Tips For Any Business Person!”

In this important, 17 pg. special report you’ll find:

 The BIGGEST Mistakes Most Businesses Make When Marketing Their Businesses And How To Avoid Them!
 How To Get Ready, Eager And Able Prospects To Come Into Your Business Any Time You Want Them!
 The Single Most Important Idea You Must “GET” If You Want To Unlock The Massive Profits Hidden Inside Your Business. (Any Business Can Bring In Incredible Amounts Of Money When It Learns To Do This One Thing Right!)
 Proven, Creative, Time-Tested Ways To Make Your Sales Go Up, Even When The Economy Goes Down!

There’s no strings attached. Just call my 24-Hour FREE Recorded Message at (906) 225-1313, ext. 108 or e-mail me at kflohe@nsbroadcasting.com and leave your name, company name and address, and I will send out your copy right away! Please be sure to speak slowly and clearly, and spell out any unusual words.

[CBurton1]

Here also are a couple of alternate leads...


From The Desk Of:
Kevin Flohe
1009 W. Ridge St.
Marquette, MI 49855

A Confidential Letter to Marquette Area Small-Business Owners:

“Do You Make Any of These Costly Advertising Mistakes?”

Many Local Businesses Have Achieved Substantial Sales Increases, (And Taken
The “Gamble” Out Of All Their Advertising Dollars) Using These Enormously Profitable,
Yet Little-Known Methods I Have Tested And Can Prove Work.

Monday, 2:59 PM

Dear Friend,

As you can see, I have attached a nice, crisp ONE MILLION dollar bill to the top of this letter. Why have I done this? Actually, there are two reasons:

1. I needed a sure-fire way to get your attention, and this seemed like a good way to do it.

2. Since what I have to tell you in this letter deals with how you make your money in your business, using a ONE MILLION dollar bill as a little financial “eye-catcher” seemed especially appropriate.

Here’s what this is all about.

P.T. Barnum once said: “I know that half of my advertising is wasted… The problem is that I don’t know which half it is!” And if you really thought about it, I bet you could say the same thing about your business, couldn’t you?




From The Desk Of:
Kevin Flohe
1009 W. Ridge St.
Marquette, MI 49855

Finally! Local Small Business Advertising Expert Reveals:

“How to Destroy Your Competition with Endless New Ideas… Easily Uncover Lucrative New Markets… and Recession-Proof Your Business… Using Powerful, Money-Making Marketing Strategies That Work for
Any Product or Service!”

They’ll think you have marketing ESP!

Monday, 2:59 PM

Dear Friend,

Do you own or operate a business?

Would you like to make more money? Double--even triple--your sales and profits? Bring in more customers? Turn your business into a giant money-making machine, virtually immune to recessions and other economic disasters?

If so, then this just might be the most important letter you ever read! Here’s why.

My name is Kevin Flohe and I have helped many local businesses just like yours achieve substantial sales increases, and shown them how to take the “gamble” out of all their advertising using enormously profitable, yet little-known methods I have tested and can prove work.

“How Much Money Are You Leaving On The Table?”

You see, I’ve discovered that most businesses (maybe even yours) have one or more SERIOUS flaws in their advertising and marketing effort that is costing them thousands of dollars a year!

I help local businesses identify and solve these problems and measurably improve the profitability of their advertising.

And now, I can pass this information on to you. For example:




From The Desk Of:
Kevin Flohe
1009 W. Ridge St.
Marquette, MI 49855

Finally! Local Advertising Expert Reveals:

“How to Destroy Your Competition with Endless
New Ideas… Easily Uncover Lucrative New Markets… and Recession-Proof Your Business… Using Powerful, Money-Making Marketing Strategies That Work
for Any Product or Service!”

They’ll think you have marketing ESP!

Monday, 2:59 PM

Dear Friend,

As you can see, I have attached a nice, crisp ONE MILLION dollar bill to the top of this letter. Why have I done this? Actually, there are two reasons:

1. I needed a sure-fire way to get your attention, and this seemed like a good way to do it.

2. Since what I have to tell you in this letter deals with how you make your money in your business, using a ONE MILLION dollar bill as a little financial “eye-catcher” seemed especially appropriate.

Here’s what this is all about.

P.T. Barnum once said: “I know that half of my advertising is wasted… The problem is that I don’t know which half it is!” And if you really thought about it, I bet you could say the same thing about your business, couldn’t you?



Thank you to all who help me out on this. I appreciate it!