Its converting...but lets take it to the next level.

[John Anderson]

Hi my names John Anderson and I have recently created a personal development site John Anderson's - Expand Your Energy

its converting quite well - about 5% conversion rates.

However, I am always looking for ways to take it to the next level...

Any tips or feedback appreciated...

John Anderson's - Expand Your Energy

Thanks! John

[Cruiser]

Good sales letter.

I would work on the headline

"How to raise your energy levels so you can attract
whatever you want in your life. 7 secret recordings that will magically
boost your manifestation powers to give you a life beyond your wildest dreams"

thats just off the top of my head. But you need to think of the
'hidden benefit' that your prospects crave. Then give it to them in
the headline.

Most people want a magic pill that they can take and magically
be successful, lose weight, achieve goals etc.

[A-Star]

Hi Fellas,

What the heck has boosting your energy levels got to do with attracting money etc. into your life?!

When writing headlines and your copy -- every friggin' word of it -- you have to think clearly about what you are actually saying to the reader.

Every word creates a thought, a feeling, an emotion...and a reaction from the reader. And if you're violating their belief systems you'll lose 'em en masse.

There is NO WAY that i believe that by boosting my energy levels i'll suddenly begin making more money or literally, as it has been put on this thread, ANYTHING else i want in life.

Who is a typical prospect for this product? How many other "gurus" have offered the same? Wouldn't you be better finding out what ranks highest on their list of wants and start out by focusing on that instead of trying to be all things to all people?

Find a strong theme and stick to it, step-by-step. Stay focused on that theme and don't wander off in all directions and you'll see your response increase.

[Cruiser]

So I take it you've never heard of a lil marketing phenomenon
called The Secret then A-Star?

Manifesting stuff into your life, law of attraction etc is hot
right now hence his better than average conversion rate.

I was just making a suggestion. A similar headline for a
similar product for a similar market pulled in $150,000 on launch
day for one of my clients.

So it can work.

If you just visualize what you want, close your eyes and believe

[A-Star]

Cruiser,

Yes, i have heard of visualization. And yes, i do use it.
I use before i sit down and write my ads or whatever. But
you know what?

There's a lil thing i have to do AFTER i visualize. It's that
lil thing called WORK!

How many times have you ever visualized something
only for it to appear before you the next day or whatever?

I've visualized what it would be like to drive my own
ferrari and other stuff i'd like. But it doesn't magically
appear in front of me just because i put the law of
visualization and manifestation to work.

Yeah, it helps get your head straight. But without
working hard it's nothing but a thought or a dream.

Do you understand about copywriting?

Fact is, everything you say -- every word -- creates a thought,
a feeling and emotion in your prospect. And it also creates a
corresponding REACTION.

The headline example you gave is awfully misleading. And to be
honest(yes, i know you said it was off the top of your head), just
reeks of bullshit!

My initial reaction to your headline shows this. Why F*** does having greater energy levels suddenly help me get richer, get smarter or anything else? Tell me.

And if one person (me) is reacting to it in this way, how many others are doing the same thing?

And how many potential buyers would be lost by such outrageous claims. In fact, it's not just an outrageous claim it's NOT TRUE! It's weak, it's non-specific, it's totally unbelievable, it's misleading and to even contemplate using such a headline is the equivalent of marketing idiocy.

I've gotta hand it to you, you're a brave guy posting such "advice" on an open forum.

But i'm sure you'll have something to say in response. But whatever your response, please don't tell me that what you write to a prospect -- the exact words you use -- doesn't create thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions in prospects minds.

Read that headline you wrote and see what thoughts and feelings etc., it makes in your mind. Then give it the reality check Clayton talked about in his Hot Headlines webinar -- you'll see what i mean.

[JL Melvin]

Hi John,

I don't have any experience in the market your advertising in - so these are some things I considered when looking over your page:

1. How is this sales page being promoted? Organic search, PPC, Email, etc.

- A search in Google with quotes for "Manifestation Technology" yielded 312 results.
- Then a search using the free keyword tool yielded zero searches for "Manifestation Technology."

I did another search on Google, without quotes, and your page did show up on the first page. This is a good thing, however, it doesn't look like anyone is searching for that keyword.

Which leads to my next point...

2. How many people know what "Manifestation Technology" is?

Are you only wanting to target the group that knows what it is or are you wanting a much broader appeal?

========================

John Caples talks about a time in the 1930's when he was doing some marketing investigation. He was going from house to house asking housewives if they used a washing machine, and if not, why not.

He received a telegram from the advertising agency asking him to ask 100 women if they know what a Pianola is? John thought what a silly question. Everyone knows what a Pianola is - it's an old style mechanical piano.

Out of 100 women only 10 knew what it meant even though it was a popular item of the time.

The lesson learned - write copy with words found in a sixth grade reader.

========================

Can you translate "Manifestation Technology" into simple lay terms and then bring them in later?

Cruiser gave a good example of a headline that is easier to read and may have more appeal to a broader market. I understand it was off the cuff - but spend some time creating a few headlines and then TEST!

Try this for an example (I just pulled it off your sales page near the closing):

Announcing a Breakthrough in Unlimited Personal Power and Abundant Energy...

DISCOVER the Secret to...
How You Can Walk Through Life With
Abundance, Power, and Incredible Personal Charisma!

Magnetically Attractive Energy that Leads to a Successful Life!

3. No specifics - copy has been tested to pull better when specifics are brought into the picture.

I see a lot of "general" statements - attract money (has anyone done it? how much? how long?) - radiate glowing health (what health benefits? any testimonials?)

You use testimonials, but they're missing specifics too.

For example: After trying the techniques in the "Expand your Energy" course I was able to work a 10 hour day and still be productive. J. Doe

Review your page and see if you can add specifics.

4. Finally - try to get rid of some of the "I's" - you tell me all about you in the first portion of the page - but "What about me?"

The consumer wants to know how does what you have benefit them.

If you're currently getting 5% - there shouldn't be any reason why you couldn't get more with adding a few changes.

Press on to Success,

Jeff

[Cruiser]

A-Star wrote:

"My initial reaction to your headline shows this. Why F*** does having greater energy levels suddenly help me get richer, get smarter or anything else? Tell me"

It's not my headline sunshine. It's the thread starters. I just thought I
would tidy it up some while i had a few spare minutes. Make it easier to
read. Look im not into spending hours writing headlines on forums, just
trying to offer some help.

Go have a hot cup of tea and calm down A-Star.

[A-Star]

Cruiser,

You say i need to calm down. I'm completely calm in my posts. It's just that i put myself through every scenario possible in the prospects mind when i write a headline, bullet or sentence that's going to be read by them.

I've done this for years. And so now, every time i read a headline or word of copy, i automatically pull apart every word. You say you're offering advice. So am i. And i think that not thinking through every word choice and phrase ultimately will lower response.

Do you disagree with me on this?

Think about it: If everyone just took a bit of extra time to run through their ads etc. and clearly replace confusing statements and focus on logica progression in their copy, response would be much higher and we'd all make some extra bucks.

[John Anderson]

Thank you all for your generous feedback.

I am definitely going to change the headline as a couple of you suggested (I knew it was the weakest link, and I love your suggestions)

I think the specifics 'testimonials' is great advice; i need to get some specific results based feedback!

I will also broaden the appeal - manifestation technology isnt highly searched for. I am going to be working with Adam Davis (adam@ppckid.com) to get my key words and seo sorted out.

I appreciate you all taking the time to have a look at it.

Anything I can help any of you with let me know sourcecreation@bigpond.com

Warmest Regards

John