Improve my website and make big bucks ...

[Will]

Clayton says we should all critique one another's work. I heartily agree. And I suspect we've got grown-ups here, which is more than I can say for another copywriters' forum I visited where the atmosphere was more like a high school food fight than a circle of peers with mutual respect for one another.

But forgive me, I'm editorializing. I've got two sites up to publicize my $6.75 million giveaway of ten vacation homes in the Med. I need two things: feedback and useful criticism -- we'll call that one thing -- and people who'd be happy to mail to their lists to promote the project on a commission basis. It's an easy sell; I sent one guy in Bulgaria a check for $18,000 for sales he made in five weeks. Bulgaria! That's a country with an average monthly income of $250. (Of course he took the trouble to translate my sales material into Bulgarian, and must have improved it along the way.)

Anyway, the sites are: http://www.myhideawayinspain.com, which is shorter, and http://www.winaholidayhomeinspain.com, which has all the back stories about the Russian Mafia money launderers and how a bonehead law passed by the last Congress makes this a "can't lose, win-win" proposition.

Take a look and drop me an email at gwscott@scottshotel.com if you have Things To Say.

Thank you. And thanks to Clayton & Co. for creating a fine resource for us. I'm not a copywriter, just a guy who runs hotels, but I've learned heaps about wordsmithing, and that's gotta be useful.

[swans]

Dear Friend,

Don't take personally, but your site smells scam.

There is not an ounce of believability.

Think of how you can make people believe the claim:"

On a day this August, yet to be named, ===vague, unconvincing, reinforces the idea of a scam.



the first property, with this view
and worth 175,000 euros ($245K/£120K), will be raffled off===what is the purpose of the raffle...why are you doing the raffle?



And there's a good chance that whoever wins it will have
paid nothing at all for the lucky winning ticket.
Not a cent.====more unbelievable

But your second page at: "http://winaholidayhomeinspain.com/raffle_story.html" , seems more believable. Unfortunately, the first page killed my belief in your offer.

But you still need to sound more credible.

Sorry it's the age of the internet and anybody can claim anything.

Sincerely,

Swans G Paul
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